You love playing with that. You love playing with all your stuffed animals. You love your Mommy, your Daddy. You love your pajamas. You love everything, don’t ya? Yea. But you know what, buddy? As you get older, some of the things you love might not seem so special anymore. Like your Jack-in-a-Box. Maybe you’ll realize it’s just a piece of tin and a stuffed animal. And then you forget the few things you really love. And by the time you get to my age, maybe it’s only one or two things. With me, I think it’s one.
The statement above was just a mere statement, now it’s not! The words play in front of me each of it look like they’ve been weighed and put into a phrase to hit right where it hurts! Oh yes heart! The void space which has been created, oh yes! I have moved from a man having an organ which pumps up blood, to a man who believes in a those hearts which have two crescents joined, two flamingoes in a pond as the sun goes down in the background! Oh yes I’ve turned into a love bitten bug!
How’d it all start…?
I ask myself this and I realise there is a lot of things i went through! There is lot, there is a reason i stopped believing in it all! I was almost impossible to get, I was almost insulated from the world of love! There was love for materialistic things only, when and why….? Was is scared to try…? Really..?
I was scared to fail, again and again!
On the verge of failing again but winning…..
First crush in first grade, getting inspired by the bollywood movie,writing I love you on the last sheets of your beloved notebook,keeping the chocolate she gives you and savouring it for days, thinking about her smell! OMG! I wasn’t like a first grade student was I? But,yes i was in love i guess so….. So..? what happened..? Mum check my book gets to know and warns me not to get into all this “SHIT” and be a good guy! I was scared and literally shat in my pants and gave upon the idea for years to come! Avoiding eye contact,avoiding girls and then a few years down the lane in grade 8 I fall again!
Could’ve done about it,could’ve had all that i dreamt off,could’ve at least let her know…… But the kid inside having an ego an attitude too agile to be played with was on its rage and a few months it passed over and then I fell again in grade 9!
What’d I do…? Went to her made her know i’m a nice guy, she always knew I was! No I hadn’t grown the balls to ask em out directly, I hinted and I am sure she got the hint too and i thought she used to hint me back too until few years down the line she called me irritating back then and went round my back to date an asshole who was supposedly my best friend! She backstabbed it was understandable I wasn’t exactly the hotties of the school! But what my friend or the so called friend did was just unacceptable! I cut off not only from the womenly part of the human race but the men part too!
By now I should’ve been hurt…..
I was maybe! I was just not accepting it! I had my egos above all! I wasn’t ready to surrender, I still am not! But have met have met the stage of acceptance and hence you are seeing these stories!
Few years I had total cut off from everyone,acted like an asshole cos i was portrayed as one! I wasn’t but people around me were, I couldn’t go down to their level but now they were dragging me, resistance helped and i survived!
Until recently where I am in deep love and I am gonna get hurt, a 100 kilos of IED’s gonna blow in my face! The truth is I am waiting for it,waiting to be blowed down and no this time I am not gonna be another locker of hurts, no…..
will be unlocking the hurt locker……
unchaperonedfeat 