Feelings

So I have come to the sad side mine more faster than expected…. Sad I am yes, sad I am that I did not let people know how I felt about them, How much I cared for them and how much more did I deserve to be treated in a better way than I do!

Feelings are like an ocean or a sea, no matter how much you express it always seems way too less……

Worst feeling ever!

This is something none of you should go through, I really hope none on earth should, the moment you do it’s all doomed! It’s very tough to come out of it, it might be impossible I’m half way out of it and yes you got it right I’m only half way out, read the rest of my views on life and my situations you shall know how I do it!

So have you told the one whom you hate to your gutts as to why or how much do you care for that person? If not that hate is inappropriate reaction to the unlikely situation which you created by over thinking…..

Love might be the sweetest feeling on earth… It isn’t the best one though! Hate is, fear is, revenge is…! All are the dark sides of our human nature as they say, but if channelized they can be the best horses and certainly the winning one’s on the turf!

Turf called life having a million spectators, buzzing for every failure cheering for none as they spectators lose no matter you lose or win! You need to be on the turf, you need to be the jockey, you need to be the horse and make sure it’s your turf and you bet on yourself.

No one’s for anyone out there, all are out on themselves for themselves, if you think other wise you are making a mistake I am sure! All this while I on with the blinders trying to be there for everyone and thinking this focus will help me, take the blinders off and all you know it’s a dog fight even on the bloody lush green turf! There’s no true love there are no true feelings only thing true is truth and the truth is happiness is the ultimate goal! All want to be happier all are greedy and there you go the another dark side of ours….

They aren’t dark for me, if I have to survive through the wreck I am in and excel and be the one with potential and aim at the highest possible dreams, I need to get on….

I see the whole set of incidents as lashes of whip which might prove to be the reason for my win.

Only time will tell….

 

Surges

When have I actually referred to something as what the actually mean?

Are you in love?

She asks! Is my love so feeble that you have to ask if I do or do not? Or are you are so self obsessed that all you care about is if people care for you? You are the most selfish and self centered person I have seen, yet you manage to convince people that you are caring and the most caring person on earth!  The deepest of oceans are not as deep as the way you think and play around with people’s emotion!

You are addiction, it’s harmful yet can’t leave it; can’t have it!

The things between me and her are so fucking awkward and weird and are like the electrical surges they are smooth and all the things are in place working just fine….AND BAAAAAAM! Blows right in the face and everythings blows off…..she

How many minutes days or hours can you stay without electricity? No matter how it’s… abrupt direct, indirect and once in a while it surges and puts everything out of order we restore a fuse or two and it’s back.

I know we need surge protectors, in my case I feel it’s a time bomb which is ticking, which needs to be diffused. Sexual tension increases to an unbearable point I feel that sometimes! Where we just want to bare it all and just then we shall be set right! I do not have the balls to take a step towards it and I have no shame in accepting that!
As a third person’e perspective she has slept with at least more than two men that i know of! She should take a step as I am a newbie to this side of life, provided she is the one who is two timing she should know her level of guilts I do not want another guy suffering cos of my horniness. (cruel words? Well that’s how the third person sees it as, won’t consider my give ups,my decency,my tolerance and ….. thats how the world is and it’s the only place habitable sadly)

We act like we are here meant for each other for rest of the life, we are the perfect pieces of the puzzle called life and then suddenly we fee like killing each other!

What is this? Why is this? Every passing minute i hope what I have with you isn’t true love and true love is much more deeper sweeter and happier than this! Something beautiful….

Something so beautiful that I will not see around for “options” I’d be lying if I said physically attractiveness is the least of my botherations! they are the primary ones and added to it I would want someone who is true to me as I am to you and a little less manipulative someone who does not fake things…. OMG OMG OMG

I was writing or attempting to write a closure to this post but i had to cut in between cos i had over flow of description mainly against you bitch. Does this confirm I am not in love? I am looking for a sexual relationship? A fling perhaps? Friends with benefits?

I am not ashamed of any of the thoughts which i have put up there as I have been under your influence and all these thoughts and thinking process is inherited from you! I am the proud i have had you as a part of my life…. would be lying if I said happy few habits die hard and the ability to not lie wouldn’t die in me I hope……

I am in love with myself! I am self obsessed….

Materialism

Buying things from money you do not have……

Yes the famous quote we all know about it, think it over and over; until you are over and reach a point where you will disagree to it!  Crying isn’t comfortable at all, but if i were to cry i would prefer to cry in a mansion in an infinity pool facing a 3 acre garden with the rarities of the botany and the tropical birds! While a fleet of cars are lined up to be ripped onto an open road to heal the bleeding the heart! Oh yes! Surely none of us would want to sniff and sob in a broken 20 year old cot with the mattress sized zero and has no bounce left.

World is materialistic and so are you, it’s high time we all accept it. We are materialistic at different levels, if you are arab rich and are betrayed by another rich bastard you will look for a poor one who you are sure will never over power you to hurt you!

because you are rich!

I am totally for materialism, more so in past few months. I’ve always have had aims and ambitions in life!

Being happy wasn’t one, I have had realised we are in pursuit of happiness and I have made peace with that.

I fell in love, things dint matter people did, prices dint matter emotions did, each and everything in my life took a toll, every dream every aim every ambition of mine started taking a toll! I started bending them, I started changing in the vortex of emotions I got dragged down and the changes started bothering me soon! If I weren’t materialistic in first place I would’ve thought of extreme steps by now, (Read through my older posts and laugh your ass off on my crazy love story, you would cry if you are emotional one. My life is a joke and i would rather laugh at it than cry about it) but I barely got into deep shit and I barely had to take time to recover! I would be lying if I said I did not cry! I did twice OK! more than twice! Ranting it online drinking some coffee and I was out of it!

I was and am back on track trying to achieve bigger, trying to set goals! Reestablishing aims,choosing the right course, taking the right path, more importantly taking risks and being care free.

That’s called having balls made of steel not having to worry there’s someone waiting to suck on em!

I have realised love is blind and falling for someone who is totally inappropriate to you, for who you are; is inevitable! (At least once u totally do) If you get yourself out it’s the best thing that can happen if not be prepared to live a life you do not want/deserve!

Aiming for higher grades,higher pay,higher lifestyle,better brands to wear,better cars to drive,going better places to holiday,being who you and someone hopefully appreciating that and loving you for it and aiming higher alongside you is the only thing which can truly put you in a pursuit of happiness where you have a chance to finish or at least get closer to the finish line!

Still disagree…? (If yes ooooh we got a rich ass here marry me? )

Few years down the line when your college mates or colleagues when have a fancy car and you don’t, while your girl just mentions about it just in casual talk and then when it hits you hard you will realise….. Even then if you don’t seriously

have higher aims, stop settling for crumbles of bread!