If ever, you do get to know whom this blog belongs to you would know whom am i referring to; this is a story of my final year of engineering and the girl i am going to speak about is the dream; a dream just like a drug; something close to coke if you take you would repent if you do not you repent even more! In fact the whole reason why i am writing down this bloge is cos she had asked me once to write down few stuffs so that i never forget! “Irony! I love her so much that i write hateful feelings alongside the good ones as once, she asked me to write.” We men are taken for granted anything we do is wrong and right at the same time, if at all there was a perfect world all men would happy with a few shots of booze and few puffs of wasteful smoke to get you the high! I am that typical engineer studying in a typical engineering college where all people do, whole day and night is smoke some green grass and stay as high as fuck possible! Fuck a few chicks with or without condoms and repeat the same until you feel there is no room for feelings on this earth and the world is a place filled with junkies! So, what was i doing..? Why am i bitching..? Why don’t i get on-board..? Why the hell am i sitting and writing a stupid fucking blog..? “This is not where i belong! This world is not for me!” I say this to myself everyday and remaining sane! Monotonous – Engineering – My life! All i would do is ride up on my sexy bike the fucking classic bullet and enjoy the ride through the obscene traffic and swear a million MC’s and BC’s and get to the class on time sit through the day survive and get back home just in a few minutes! I was different i din’t want the high i din’t want the meaningless fucks neither was there a girl which i ever liked to hit on! A girl comes into my life a few years in the start just another female in college, the initial impression given was she wanted to be friends so that i could ride her back her home and that’s it! She wanted to use me over and that’s how i saw things back then and i however accepted to help her out! She was nice to me of course! We used to chat a lot and i think i had fallen for her the first time i saw her in a mall where i saw her in a red dress where she caressed her hair played with her gentle lips and spoke sweetly! I thought it’s just the dry run that i found her attractive! Years passed by we were just friends din’t bother much but i actually fell for her and refused to agree and acted normal and thought she was out of league! When she kept having physical relationships with emotional traumas with fucking ass whores i kept muted and watched her getting fucked over by people! She was kicked out of the college for a year and she cut out from the world and it was hard for her i knew and it was hard for me she never knew! Time passed by i mourned once in a while and it was her birthday when i cried over and sent a long message to her in that emotional moment and was petrified if what i did was right! IT WAS RIGHT I DID GET TO KNOW A FEW MONTHS LATER! She came back to college after a year, we had weird eye contacts and i chose to ignore her as she had left me at the altar..! yes yes, i have had skipped that part of the story! I used to maybe love her ever since and there was a girl who went and bitched about me to her that i bitched about her! She believed and she stopped speaking to me and yes even after all this i had sent that long message for her b’day! “We men indeed are fucking dicks!” So, after avoiding her for a day two and acting weird she takes my number from a guy… (oh fucking yes! She dint have my number! ) She calls up and asks for a favor please drop me off! And yes you got it right i told her NO! What..? NO i said a sucking YES! And gladly accepted to drop her! And to this she proposes me the idea of picking her and dropping her off after a few days and says we shall share the fuel money! Guess what i said! YES! NO! I flatly refused to take cash! Yes … “We men indeed are dicks!” She did all that BS to me and i still went on to do all this for her happily like nothing ever happened! oh… added to this i had fought with my mom to pick her n drop her off as mum din’t like the idea! Maybe i was in love maybe i wasn’t i was lonely and anyone trying to accompany me i would have maybe gladly accepted! I was getting used over maybe but that looked like an upside and like i said she had that charm she had those puppy eyes and she had way to get around and go an extra mile to take care and make you feel special! As time went by, we got thicker and thicker as friends! And there were instances where she would have had fought with her BF and come cry over it to me! You must be laughing your ass off! Yes she was committed and i was a fucking idiot! Initially yes i was a fucking idiot! But as a person as i got to know her i realize what a fucking idiot i would have been if i din’t have her in my life! Every little thing i had i started connecting, we started connecting! Thanks to the junkies of my class i had no one in the college but her! If she wasn’t committed i would have been writing love poems for her making love to her and maybe even would have planned our future! But bitch reality sucks! And let’s get back to the sucking life of mine! “I love him; but i love you too! ” *crying* Yes she is two timing and i know it and i do not do anything about it either! She means the world to me but has expectations that even a king would have problems fulfilling she’s an extremely emotional being the most emotional one i have ever seen! She fell for me and i had apparently always fallen for her! I am not as rich as she think’s i am the moment i ask her out and things start getting serious she will bail out i know! She will fall for someone else she will start pointing every small thing i do as a wrong! She is the most beautiful creature from the mind soft from the heart and knows her way around! She has taught me a million things she has changed my heart! A heart which loves only engines loves other heart too, a guy who din’t give fuck about anything get’s fucked over every small thing. I have started dying slowly day by day a few hours without talking to her i feel dead,the roses without water could survive more, desert with out sand could still be a desert, a vehicle could run without tires but i cannot leave her nor can i take her in! She has this emotional mode which drags me in, deep into the vortex of feelings i have cried over and over, for her, because of her and for every god damn thing possible! 21st of February 2014 on a Road trip! All the emotional mode of mine had begun there true love! Placement day true love! Looking into the eyes fells like getting lost in an ocean without a tank of oxygen and feeling comfortable as you run out of the breath as you just want to drown into the depth of her black eyes and lean in and kiss her! But wait-Reality! Bitch! I know she is two timing i know she is committed! I know if i lean in i will kiss her and she will love it too! But my cautiousness will kill me after on! So i choose not to! So i choose not to! It pisses her off but she must know! I will never allow another man suffer because i already appreciate the other man to put up with her! I am not even committed to her i am still jealous of a dozen people whom she speaks to! A million more horny bastards who stare at her godly ass which even i haven’t have had a look at! Cos my cautiousness would kill me! I would want someday i would want to someday! I wish i do not become a stone hearted bastard who fucks her and leaves her off as there is an emotional trauma i go through everyday each day and keep myself together! I still don’t smoke grass nor do i consume alcohol! It’s all my min all this while to allow her,to let her in,to want a companion,to not die alone,to have someone to look up to, AS i complete this post i have doubts, if i am the manipulative bitch or she! She has this divine power or what i dunno what and why but i already start looking her as innocent and find myself the culprit!
I dunno what she is, but i have a feeling, a women indeed a phenomenon indeed!
unchaperonedfeat 