The Void Space!

Have you ever felt a deep force at middle of your chest pulling your brains out….

I, personally used to laugh my ass off when someone would say so! But, over a short span of a year or so i have that void put into me a black hole which sucks down everything! Everything you have ever loved seems meaningless you start seeing life in a different angle, you start planning things,you start seeing your future and most of all no matter what you d the void is still there!

How are black holes and mostly ass holes created! Love is a definitely something that changes everything for you!

Eg: look at me i am blogging about deep theory and philosophical love bang shit! rather than games or football or travel!

So by now, you would have figured out i am i love or was in love! A deep void a black hole has been created by a woman i would want to live with for rest of my life! She wants me to promise her the skies and i may end up not even providing a roof over the head and hence,the skies! Expectations shoot through the roof every single move of yours is on tab,you are closely watched by the big brother and god himself combined when there is vicious snake waiting to clasp it’s jaws at you to a little mistake you make and the vicious snake is the girl you feel for, she is not your type neither are you her’s but still you fall, falling and hoping not to be hurt!

Why was this such a complication when you fall for her and she falls for you and you can do whatever it takes to keep her..? Well she is committed to another asshole! Yeah laugh your asses off!

It’s like being in an relationship where she sucks you down emotionally while she sucks the other loser down! Yeah i am the loser but i would call him a loser however! Emotionally getting fucked and physically going to the loo well over many times lets not keep a count have lost it!

After all the BS i go through without being the emotional one, i still feel dragged down, down deep into the pits where no one can come and rescue me, i just gained more respect for people who have been there and still were able to find love again true or not! I could can and might end up just like others, loafing from place to another, spending aimlessly trying to pass time as every single minute your brain wants to think about the person!

You go from one cafe to another,try catching up with all the people you have ever known in your life and people whom you do not give a fuck about at all, there you are trying to fill the void !

Few start drinking, few start on weed, few who are hot enough start on meaningless relationships to get physical high with the rest! No strings attached used to look disgusting and now it makes a lot more sense!

If you find another person who agrees for no strings attached you have a good time, else the guys go on to make fake stories and promises and hurt other people not cos he wants to it’s the void which he’s trying to fill, it’s the void which consumes him, it eats him slowly everyday, day by day!

So, i am not sure!

If, all men are assholes, or they are made into one….

The manipulative B!#*h!

If ever, you do get to know whom this blog belongs to you would know whom am i referring to; this is a story of my final year of engineering and the girl i am going to speak about is the dream; a dream just like a drug; something close to coke if you take you would repent if you do not you repent even more! In fact the whole reason why i am writing down this bloge is cos she had asked me once to write down few stuffs so that i never forget! “Irony! I love her so much that i write hateful feelings alongside the good ones as once, she asked me to write.” We men are taken for granted anything we do is wrong and right at the same time, if at all there was a perfect world all men would happy with a few shots of booze and few puffs of wasteful smoke to get you the high! I am that typical engineer studying in a typical engineering college where all people do, whole day and night is smoke some green grass and stay as high as fuck possible! Fuck a few chicks with or without condoms and repeat the same until you feel there is no room for feelings on this earth and the world is a place filled with junkies! So, what was i doing..? Why am i bitching..? Why don’t i get on-board..? Why the hell am i sitting and writing a stupid fucking blog..? “This is not where i belong! This world is not for me!” I say this to myself everyday and remaining sane! Monotonous – Engineering – My life! All i would do is ride up on my sexy bike the fucking classic bullet and enjoy the ride through the obscene traffic and swear a million MC’s and BC’s and get to the class on time sit through the day survive and get back home just in a few minutes! I was different i din’t want the high i din’t want the meaningless fucks neither was there a girl which  i ever liked to hit on! A girl comes into my life a few years in the start just another female in college, the initial impression given was she wanted to be friends so that i could ride her back her home and that’s it! She wanted to use me over and that’s how i saw things back then and i however accepted to help her out! She was nice to me of course! We used to chat a lot and i think i had fallen for her the first time i saw her in a mall where i saw her in a red dress where she caressed her hair played with her gentle lips and spoke sweetly! I thought it’s just the dry run that i found her attractive! Years passed by we were just friends din’t bother much but i actually fell for her and refused to agree and acted normal and thought she was out of league! When she kept having physical relationships with emotional traumas with fucking ass whores i kept muted and watched her getting fucked over by people! She was kicked out of the college for a year and she cut out from the world and it was hard for her i knew and it was hard for me she never knew! Time passed by i mourned once in a while and it was her birthday when i cried over and sent a long message to her in that emotional moment and was petrified if what i did was right! IT WAS RIGHT I DID GET TO KNOW A FEW MONTHS LATER! She came back to college after a year, we had weird eye contacts and i chose to ignore her as she had left me at the altar..! yes yes, i have had skipped that part of the story! I used to maybe love her ever since and there was a girl who went and bitched about me to her that i bitched about her! She believed and she stopped speaking to me and yes even after all this i had sent that long message for her b’day! “We men indeed are fucking dicks!” So, after avoiding her for a day two and acting weird she takes my number from a guy… (oh fucking yes! She dint have my number! ) She calls up and asks for a favor please drop me off! And yes you got it right i told her NO! What..? NO i said a sucking YES! And gladly accepted to drop her! And to this she proposes me the idea of picking her and dropping her off after a few days and says we shall share the fuel money! Guess what i said! YES! NO! I flatly refused to take cash! Yes … “We men indeed are dicks!” She did all that BS to me and i still went on to do all this for her happily like nothing ever happened! oh… added to this i had fought with my mom to pick her n drop her off as mum din’t like the idea! Maybe i was in love maybe i wasn’t i was lonely and anyone trying to accompany me i would have maybe gladly accepted! I was getting used over maybe but that looked like an upside and like i said she had that charm she had those puppy eyes and she had way to get around and go an extra mile to take care and make you feel special! As time went by, we got thicker and thicker as friends! And there were instances where she would have had fought with her BF and come cry over it to me! You must be laughing your ass off! Yes she was committed and i was a fucking idiot! Initially yes i was a fucking idiot! But as a person as i got to know her i realize what a fucking idiot i would have been if i din’t have her in my life! Every little thing i had i started connecting, we started connecting! Thanks to the junkies of my class i had no one in the college but her! If she wasn’t committed i would have been writing love poems for her making love to her and maybe even would have planned our future! But bitch reality sucks! And let’s get back to the sucking life of mine! “I love him; but i love you too! ” *crying* Yes she is two timing and i know it and i do not do anything about it either! She means the world to me but has expectations that even a king would have problems fulfilling she’s an extremely emotional being the most emotional one i have ever seen! She fell for me and i had apparently always fallen for her! I am not as rich as she think’s i am the moment i ask her out and things start getting serious she will bail out i know! She will fall for someone else she will start pointing every small thing i do as a wrong! She is the most beautiful creature from the mind soft from the heart and knows her way around! She has taught me a million things she has changed my heart! A heart which loves only engines loves other heart too, a guy who din’t give fuck about anything get’s fucked over every small thing. I have started dying slowly day by day a few hours without talking to her i feel dead,the roses without water could survive more, desert with out sand could still be a desert, a vehicle could run without tires but i cannot leave her nor can i take her in! She has this emotional mode which drags me in, deep into the vortex of feelings i have cried over and over, for her, because of her and  for every god damn thing possible! 21st of February 2014 on a Road trip! All the emotional mode of mine had begun there true love! Placement day true love! Looking into the eyes fells like getting lost in an ocean without a tank of oxygen and feeling comfortable as you run out of the breath as you just want to drown into the depth of her black eyes and lean in and kiss her! But wait-Reality! Bitch! I know she is two timing i know she is committed! I know if i lean in i will kiss her and she will love it too! But my cautiousness will kill me after on! So i choose not to! So i choose not to! It pisses her off but she must know! I will never allow another man suffer because i already appreciate the other man to put up with her! I am not even committed to her i am still jealous of a dozen people whom she speaks to! A million more horny bastards who stare at her godly ass which even i haven’t  have had a look at! Cos my cautiousness would kill me! I would want someday i would want to someday! I wish i do not become a stone hearted bastard who fucks her and leaves her off as there is an emotional trauma i go through everyday each day and keep myself together! I still don’t smoke grass nor do i consume alcohol! It’s all my min all this while to allow her,to let her in,to want a companion,to not die alone,to have someone to look up to, AS i complete this post i have doubts, if i am the manipulative bitch or she! She has this divine power or what i dunno what and why but i already start looking her as innocent and find myself the culprit!

 

I dunno what she is, but i have a feeling, a women indeed a phenomenon indeed!