Surges

When have I actually referred to something as what the actually mean?

Are you in love?

She asks! Is my love so feeble that you have to ask if I do or do not? Or are you are so self obsessed that all you care about is if people care for you? You are the most selfish and self centered person I have seen, yet you manage to convince people that you are caring and the most caring person on earth!  The deepest of oceans are not as deep as the way you think and play around with people’s emotion!

You are addiction, it’s harmful yet can’t leave it; can’t have it!

The things between me and her are so fucking awkward and weird and are like the electrical surges they are smooth and all the things are in place working just fine….AND BAAAAAAM! Blows right in the face and everythings blows off…..she

How many minutes days or hours can you stay without electricity? No matter how it’s… abrupt direct, indirect and once in a while it surges and puts everything out of order we restore a fuse or two and it’s back.

I know we need surge protectors, in my case I feel it’s a time bomb which is ticking, which needs to be diffused. Sexual tension increases to an unbearable point I feel that sometimes! Where we just want to bare it all and just then we shall be set right! I do not have the balls to take a step towards it and I have no shame in accepting that!
As a third person’e perspective she has slept with at least more than two men that i know of! She should take a step as I am a newbie to this side of life, provided she is the one who is two timing she should know her level of guilts I do not want another guy suffering cos of my horniness. (cruel words? Well that’s how the third person sees it as, won’t consider my give ups,my decency,my tolerance and ….. thats how the world is and it’s the only place habitable sadly)

We act like we are here meant for each other for rest of the life, we are the perfect pieces of the puzzle called life and then suddenly we fee like killing each other!

What is this? Why is this? Every passing minute i hope what I have with you isn’t true love and true love is much more deeper sweeter and happier than this! Something beautiful….

Something so beautiful that I will not see around for “options” I’d be lying if I said physically attractiveness is the least of my botherations! they are the primary ones and added to it I would want someone who is true to me as I am to you and a little less manipulative someone who does not fake things…. OMG OMG OMG

I was writing or attempting to write a closure to this post but i had to cut in between cos i had over flow of description mainly against you bitch. Does this confirm I am not in love? I am looking for a sexual relationship? A fling perhaps? Friends with benefits?

I am not ashamed of any of the thoughts which i have put up there as I have been under your influence and all these thoughts and thinking process is inherited from you! I am the proud i have had you as a part of my life…. would be lying if I said happy few habits die hard and the ability to not lie wouldn’t die in me I hope……

I am in love with myself! I am self obsessed….

The Void Space!

Have you ever felt a deep force at middle of your chest pulling your brains out….

I, personally used to laugh my ass off when someone would say so! But, over a short span of a year or so i have that void put into me a black hole which sucks down everything! Everything you have ever loved seems meaningless you start seeing life in a different angle, you start planning things,you start seeing your future and most of all no matter what you d the void is still there!

How are black holes and mostly ass holes created! Love is a definitely something that changes everything for you!

Eg: look at me i am blogging about deep theory and philosophical love bang shit! rather than games or football or travel!

So by now, you would have figured out i am i love or was in love! A deep void a black hole has been created by a woman i would want to live with for rest of my life! She wants me to promise her the skies and i may end up not even providing a roof over the head and hence,the skies! Expectations shoot through the roof every single move of yours is on tab,you are closely watched by the big brother and god himself combined when there is vicious snake waiting to clasp it’s jaws at you to a little mistake you make and the vicious snake is the girl you feel for, she is not your type neither are you her’s but still you fall, falling and hoping not to be hurt!

Why was this such a complication when you fall for her and she falls for you and you can do whatever it takes to keep her..? Well she is committed to another asshole! Yeah laugh your asses off!

It’s like being in an relationship where she sucks you down emotionally while she sucks the other loser down! Yeah i am the loser but i would call him a loser however! Emotionally getting fucked and physically going to the loo well over many times lets not keep a count have lost it!

After all the BS i go through without being the emotional one, i still feel dragged down, down deep into the pits where no one can come and rescue me, i just gained more respect for people who have been there and still were able to find love again true or not! I could can and might end up just like others, loafing from place to another, spending aimlessly trying to pass time as every single minute your brain wants to think about the person!

You go from one cafe to another,try catching up with all the people you have ever known in your life and people whom you do not give a fuck about at all, there you are trying to fill the void !

Few start drinking, few start on weed, few who are hot enough start on meaningless relationships to get physical high with the rest! No strings attached used to look disgusting and now it makes a lot more sense!

If you find another person who agrees for no strings attached you have a good time, else the guys go on to make fake stories and promises and hurt other people not cos he wants to it’s the void which he’s trying to fill, it’s the void which consumes him, it eats him slowly everyday, day by day!

So, i am not sure!

If, all men are assholes, or they are made into one….